Nobody is ever missing-poem and quotes

“Nobody is ever missing”
   -a novel by Catherine Lacey
“And after i had deleted my history on Amos’s computer I realized that even if no one ever found me,and even if I lived out the rest of my life here,always missing,forever a missing person to other people,I could never be missing to myself,I could be missong to myself,I could never delte my own history,and I would always exactly where I was and where I had been and I would never wake up not being who i was and it didn’t matter how much or how little I thought I understood the mess of myself,because I would never,no matter what I did,be missing to myself and that was what I wanred all this time ,to go fully missing-nobody is missing like that,no one has ever had that luxury and no one ever will.
It doesn’t seem like much now,but realizations rarely do,I supposr,those bright moments when you can finally see something that had been there all along.
This wasn’t a commodifiable realization ,the kind of thing in college essays or inspirational books or the hardbound journals of gentle ladies.
There was no ah,no ha,no relaxation or humor folded into this realization.There was just something real in my head-a rescue boat in a sea where there was no one left to save.”
……..
we don’t get to stay in moments and that should not be news to you.We are both familar with the concept of time,the awful math of it,how our history always gets larger,less understandable,overweight,overworked,over and over,and memoroes get misfiled and complicate feelings for no good reason and some people seem more able to deal with this,to keep their histories clean and well orderrd but I still don’t understand why we came unstuck from those moments we wanted to stay and why the moments we wanted to forget still haunt us.”
……
“You place a baby the same way you place a blame:put it down slowly–after careful deliberation-of where to place it-and cradle the head-and mind the neck.”
……
“No one idls anything more thsn a slow event and Inknew I was not a woman but a series of movements,not a life ,but a shake .”

Reaction poem

There there
You say to calm the baby
Ancient embryo
Slowly forming
Month by month
Year by year
Tear by tear
Not finding the  time
Right to come out
To the world
Screaming
Shouting
“I am here!”
Not finding the right place
A nice house
Clean of dust
Fully furnished
A fire burning
A doll’s house
Missing one doll
To play with the others
One more game
Called life.

About seagullsea

a seagull flying over the great ocean of life observing.
This entry was posted in book report, chaos, feminine thought, gender psychology, recovery, self knowledge, survival, wishing. Bookmark the permalink.

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