It’s been almost 24 hours since i left the new wooden home of the Ayurveda college in Luzern,Switzerland.
I left with an almost intolerable brain and mind explosive migrane and a buzzing confusion in my mind and soul.
What i thought was brilliantly simple and connected to my yoga healing dedicated practice had turned out a bombardment of Sanskrit words by an Indian professor Who introduced me to a type of men i already met and knew and married and divorced,the macho man .
He is in every nation and profession.
He walks around like a proud rooster asking question only he and someone fluent in sanskrit can know and so the end result is not a humble learner devoid of ego but carpet like pupils upon which he walks as he talks with hus clever modern slides shown from an apple computer.
He is George Clooney spreading sunshine wherever he goes and lots and lots of sanskrit no one can follow unless reincarnated as an Indian in Switzerland.
Modern Computer technology-yes
Generalizations are generally wrong and so his speech about how Sigmund Freud was wrong basing his theories on the ill come just before he does the same by describing a disturbance in a patient in sanskrit no less .He does not first describe what is a healthy human being.He attempts to do so but stumbles and falls upon logical contradictions since he did not first define what is healthy.
I write every word the prestigious professor says ,he lists of symptoms and then ask us,taking an intrductory course what is to be done?
Of course only two people in the room know the answers to every question
the only two who know sanskrit, the professor and the translator.
Great lesson .
He then proceeds to write sanskrit word after word,smiling serenly saying “please wait” but it only gets more confusing.
More words than anyone can handle, even Albert Einstein’s brain would blow a fuse.
He brilliantly describes a wind mill and what moves it and how the body works with similar principals,my mind is stimulated,i listen to every physics law described,he teaches in one day what i would learn in a semester at a university science course cramming together physics and sanskrit and Hindu religion in a way that overloads my brain and i am the kind of person who reads four newspapers a day,two books at the same time and am used to constant mental stimulation.
During both my degrees i took too many courses,the librarians had to shut the light to make me stop studying and yet i found myself quitting the Ayurveda course.
The pupils are followers,they ask simple “what and how”questions revealing no previous knowledge in biology and the one philosophy major sits stoic listening passively.
It is exhausting and though i am reminded what an amazing mechanism a human being is i can not but be reminded of how science brought the clarity beyond mythology.
I search for absolute truth ,declares the professor and my mind says fascism.
My facination with Indian wisdom and culture continues.
I am still interested in Ayurveda but i am not interested to hear unselected put downs of scientists and western knowledge in comparison to the wisdom of the ancient wise men.
We are 30 women and one meek silent man so where are the wise Indian women?why is Madame Curie mentioned as a woman who was both a scientist and a mother and then science is described as a soul less product of men imferior to the ancient wise exceptional men Indians?
I listen to my migrane and i no longer care which element dominates me.
I realize i need to work on eating sleeping and living more healthy but i believe in gradual advancement and in red lines.
My previous experience with macho men previously all western has taught me to count the losses and run.
Macho men have a constituion of being so full of themselves they leave no space for others to feel anything,they seek followers.
Women too can be overpowering but in that case they are not as good as macho men,they just cut off the air supply.
I left the paradise place of sanskrit and realize my healing will be a more subtle respectful path of not speaking badly of great scientists in order to push an agenda.
Healing begins with listening to oneself but you can not listen to yourself while someone talks and takes all the air away.
My migrane was cured when i decided to remove myself from Ayurveda .
It took me years to remove myself from relationships that sucked away my prana ,my air,my life force but i am getting better at selecting the sort of atmosphere where i can thrive with what i need
To learn at my pace from people who do not need to smile but can listen to my needs as any healer should first of all.
No more gurus to follow
No more pompous professors to pump their inflated egos.
Just a person trying to make sense of the world.
Ayurveda is about balance but with medical terms there must be also nourishment of the soul and so i sit surrounded by my books
Health is also feeling good about yourself being in an environment where you dont feel an outsider misunderstood and not really heard or seen.
I also wished to make friends but i stuck out like a sore thumb.
I was the only one criticising the teaching methodology or the fact i was clue less as to why this is supposed to be a superior medical method when it does not consider a thorough investigation into who a person is physically and mentally.
Those easy solutions are also sometimes the best
Do what makes you happy and what you are good at and once again i discovered i am good at marching to the beating of my own drum rather than follow a parade.
Even one following a prestigious professor.
A healer must first of all learn to listen
to oneself then to others
and he is not listening and not caring how we feel , who we are and how it feels to be confused by a language we do not understand by concepts that are not clear at all because only he knows and the translator of course, a German who speaks sanskrit, German and English equally well.
Teaching is not an Olympics competition sport it is a sort of healing, giving knowledge at a pace the learner can follow.
I learned a lot, how NOT to be , teach or live.
How not to say one thing and contradict yourself
How not to say “om Shanit” after bombarding the brain with too much information at a pace that causes an overload and not understanding at all.
I feel bad for the Ancient Indian wise men, they deserve a better presenter, someone who practices meditation unloading rather than overloading the mind.