confessions of a closet liberal

“What i did for love”

It was clear that human rights mean a lot to me.
The other day driving i160801_r28468n a car with Miriam,an elderly woman with my mother’s name ,i felt so much shame,then i wrote her an email telling her how i felt.
“It’s not their fault they were born Arab “i wrote her ,recalling how she commented negatively about the Turkish waiter who asked my dog not lay in the sun.
“They are so ugly. “”They hate animals””they are so primitive”she kept commenting and if she would not have been an handicap person i would have fled.
It was a familiar situation but my mother never spoke badly about Arabs.
“we have to understand them. they come from a different culture”she said once when we discussed how men treat women in the middle east.
“You should have seen the waiter i had last time i was here”
i told Miriam
“he had curly black hair.he had such a sweet smile. he was beautiful.”
I just lacked the courage to tell her to shut up. to stop generalizing.
we were in Germany.it was the swiss national day and it seems like all the cars ahead of us in the long waiting line had swiss license plates.At “Muller’s” shop i lined up with a pile of dog food,tooth paste,candy,everything was cheaper in Germany and there was an hysteria of swiss Germans piling cleaning products.
I forgot to buy the insect killing product that was so effective.
“The Germans really know how to kill insects”
i later remarked.
Miriam liked my comment.her Romanian born Jewish dentist husband said the same.
“The Germans are really good in killing”
ha ha. the dark humor that makes life less seriously hard to understand.
How could these people,ok not the same but their ancestors have been so cruel.
I don’t want anyone to ever wonder about me years from now i want somebody to know i never generalized.never .almost never but there i am once again falling into the same trap.
sterotypes. images. not seeing the individuals.
I was always for Hillary well,after i wrote an article about Monica Lewinski being abused,i doubted Hillary was really a liberal.
I watch youtube by “good”christians generalizing all Moslems,throwing them all together  into the bin and saying how inhuman they are and wonder what Jesus would have said.
That stupid argument whether Jesus was a jew..thousands of years and cathedrals later it all comes down to money.
I don’t believe in a God you worship by money by building him or her a beautiful house when there are so many people without a home.
I think if i listen to certain quotes i actually grow fond of tbis guy called Jesus but one youtube with the smiling middle class promoting the bible through a video game got on my nerves.
I miss the  Bernie Sanders i loved before he misquoted the numbers killed in Gaza blamed Israel and visited the pope then called himself a nonconformist.
I was always afraid of community living arrangements.I just don’t like the idea of sharing soap.
I think Donald Trump is getting to me ,i sometimes think,i don’t even care if he blows up the whole middle east in a nuclear bomb and later apologizes ,i just am so tired of liberal lies,hypocricy,Hillary not caring about Bengazzi and maybe i am not really a liberal at heart?
But then i remember how angry i felt as Miriam mocked the Moslem women walking around covered from head to toe.
Not that i have not felt that way before but the first Miriam in my life,my mother,she was full of confusing contradictions but she did not raise me to be a racist.
Life is confusing but maybe that other Miriam,handicap and fraustrated and neglected and separated from her Romanian romantic figure ,just never had the experience of being called a dirty jew by Nazis in Europe.
Some say the Moslems will replace the Nazis who also hated them but i still like to see the friendly smile of the Turks and the way they talk to eachother and sit together. I think i envy their community life. yes,i know there ia honor killing,extremism,the kurds abused but i like Turkish food and the way the waiter puts down the plate like it is a pleasure to serve and i know i need to learn that .
I know i will not gain friends this way but i wrote Miriam i am cancelling the invitation to dinner.
I am not ready to tolerate racism
and especially not from someone with my Mother’s name.
sometimes i miss my mother i become like her and i criticise and most often it is myself. it feels familiar and safe. I am a liberal.

About seagullsea

a seagull flying over the great ocean of life observing.
This entry was posted in European eyes, healing, intercultural relations, jewish survival, life choices, meandering thoughts, my manifesto, nonconformity, peace ,love and light, people watching, philosophy, planetary life, questioning questions, racism as a reality, racism in USA, survival, the American presidential elections. Bookmark the permalink.

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