my depression-an analytical poem and prose

this learned helplessness
this kafkaian beetle
struggling with a Beatle song
for so long.
This dark dog hiding
from the sun
that hides from the sun
I used to draw at sunrise
has now become sunset.
not unique
and yet international
able to connect
to all those who disconnect
from time and place
seeing everything
as an attempt
to avoid another upset.
this familiar lack of familiarity
too great of an expectation
sinking in the sand
i used to build castles
that collapsed
and i inside
too slow
to get out
trying to find you
to change my point
of view
and fearful
of the waves
that drown
every attempt
to float.

After some attempts to do more i have been finding myself doing less and less,falling into bad habits of comparing,demanding,expecting and finally disconnecting from a world that seems to be doing so much more than me.
The parent in me has been criticising the child who wakes up hungry for toast tea and someone who does not cry and cares enough to stay.
I guess i am not ready to give up but i know this negativity will be the struggle of my life and yoga keeps me going. i dont know where i would be without yoga. i just have not been feeling any motivation to leave my room lately and sadly the need to draw and sketch has left me feeling like an empty page longing for colors or maybe the need for more sun outside my  dark cave?
and i miss the bats.

About seagullsea

a seagull flying over the great ocean of life observing.
This entry was posted in mental health, Moving diary, planetary life, poetry, poetry in motion. Bookmark the permalink.

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