The morning started with a sad set back :
i have just received a phone call that i can not get a truck to get furniture taken away, i do not know how to move, i had one Italian neighbor i met in the cellar by chance, kindly took some electrical things i had in the cellar to the recycling center , but other than that i have one swiss neighbour down the street who is coming tomorrow morning to help me bring some books to the second book shop where some had been purchased and to send them in the post, but other than that, it looks like i am pretty much stuck.. i am distracting as usual from reality through cyber space but it makes me sad how difficult it is to find helpers and here is the list of the people who said no
- 2/3 Children over 18-well, they must have their reasons, busy, struggling, difficult to sort out childhood artefacts, and yet.. i am strongly upset by the lack of cooperation or care despite how they feel about my move.
- Neighbors-one down the street was persuaded, last week he showed up intoxicated. He has volunteered on a kibbutz during the 1970’s so this is an extension of his efforts on behalf of Israel somehow, he has been persuaded to come again if i provide organised bags and not the mess i have now..i am working on it.
- “Friends”-people i had met but are extremely noncommittal, people i meet while walking the dog, a man who looked after the dog very nicely had written along email why he could not help, which i deleted without reading, and the sad discovery that when you need something from someone, it is difficult to get help without paying for it and in switzerland that means a lot of money to pay..
- The local community social help wanted my bank account statements in order to provide any help, which i am not about to do.
- The Jewish community -my first option – had sent me an overpriced, and good for them -Albanian , who had wanted me to pay him an enormous amount up front and keys to the apartment so he could come and go as he pleased and prolong the job for weeks..something that is not possible , he gave me a very high price.. so no thank you. I had always used Albanian movers and they always offered a fair price and good services, though i lost the contact information, so this came as a huge surprise, it must have something to do with the Jewish community way of doing business-do they ever negotiate? so no, that was no help..
- Calling various second hand places so far they have a huge waiting list, the Salvation army has a long waiting list, i already began a long time ago to plan this move so i am sad i lost too much time on dead ends.
- I am rethinking the move, too much stuff and yes, i am attached to my dining room table, chairs, it seems the only thing that keeps memories and the family dining experiences, especially holidays.. but somewhere i have a small book called “Letting go” and i am realising i need to put in a lot of work on the relationship with the children who will remain behind and keep a great distance for this or other reason..i am not sure what to do at this point..I already made up my mind to go back to Israel but i am not sure i brought into consideration the fact that the children might be upset, they actually encouraged me when i bought up the subject, what i thought was kindness and seeing what would be best for their mother now looks like getting rid of the necessity of helping an elderly parent who does not hold any position of power in their mind, since they did help other family members who in theory were in positions of power but practically were just using them to help them move and did not even offer a payment …i feel very saddened that this is how they learned life works, there are powerful people you help and people you do not see as powerful , you ignore. i think it is a sort of facsim that is prevalent in many societies today, help only the one who does not need help. the way Trump helps the rich oil industry and screws over the native american indians, i identify with them more and more as time goes by..i am even moving my tent and sleeping bag..
- I am in huge denial but how am i going to leave and move out of this expensive unfriendly though extremely beautiful snow covered country ?
- I am also quite fond of the farm near by , yesterday the farmer’s dog came up behind me, that was the closest i came to affectionate hug in a long long time..animals are my best friends, why am i moving to the city again ? ah, work, possiblities, and a familiar society, but i am going to miss the sheep, the goats and the farmer’s dogs very much.