Once again and never again

img751069Once again a mother and children had been murderd, a 23 year old woman with a baby and a child and a neighbour’s child had been murdered by the husband/father. 

This weekend in Israel a  religious jewish young woman , her 8 months old baby and two year old son were murdered by the husband as well as the neighbor’s young child. One child managed to escape .During a separate incident a romantic relationship between a jewish woman and a Christian arab had led to him  torturing and smashing her head against a rock. It is NOT a matter of religion or culture but there are cultures where abuse towards women are more accepted and less talked about, conservative , religious communities are at greater risk since privacy is protected and guarded and where there is a rigid  role division , there is little communication and therefore the violence can gather strength without being disarmed by communication between people and with other people in the community for support. 

Most often it is the husband/father who kills but there were cases when a mother had killed too.

It happens in every culture on earth but in certain cultures there is not enough spoken about it and there are always surprised reactions and they call it “a tragedy” .

A tragedy can not be prevented, it is a matter of fate, but the murder of women and children can be prevented, if there is a prevention program and attention to signs indicating a dangerous situation .

There is always some sort of indication and it is not too late for the next victim to be saved if there is a plan of prevention, so that there is open conversation about domestic violence, that people do not fear speaking about it and asking for help before it is too late. 

It’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive.

In fact, many abusive partners may seem absolutely perfect in the early stages of a relationship. Possessive and controlling behaviors don’t always appear overnight, but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows.

Domestic violence doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partners.

If you’re beginning to feel as if your partner or a loved one’s partner is becoming abusive, there are a few behaviors that you can look out for. Watch out for these red flags and if you’re experiencing one or more of them in your relationship, call or chat online with an advocate to talk about what’s going on.

Telling you that you can never do anything right
Showing jealousy of your friends and time spent away
Keeping you or discouraging you from seeing friends or family members
Insulting, demeaning or shaming you with put-downs
Controlling every penny spent in the household
Taking your money or refusing to give you money for expenses
Looking at you or acting in ways that scare you
Controlling who you see, where you go, or what you do
Preventing you from making your own decisions
Telling you that you are a bad parent or threatening to harm or take away your children
Preventing you from working or attending school
Destroying your property or threatening to hurt or kill your pets
Intimidating you with guns, knives or other weapons
Pressuring you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol
What Is Abuse?Screen-Shot-2016-08-11-at-10.38.04-AM.pnger subtler methods of abuse.

Power and Control Wheel

Domestic Abuse Intervention Project
202 East Superior Street, Duluth, MN, 55802
218-722-2781

Abuse can come in many forms. Explore the tabs below to learn a few of the common ways abuse can occur so you can better identify them. Experiencing even one or two of these in a relationship is a red flag that abuse may be present. Remember, each type of abuse is serious and no one deserves to experience any form of it.

About seagullsea

a seagull flying over the great ocean of life observing.
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