When our mother died

When our mother died my older brother locked me and my sister in our mothet’s apartment. It was part of his down personal interpretation  of the shiva mourning rituals.

My sister in law told me I could take anything from my mother’s clothes and shoes.

How generous of her.

Meanwhile my brother swore he would lock up the apartment after we leave and will keep it locked.

Then my niece posted on Facebook a photo of herself in my mothet’s apartment. Without my mothet of course.

This was her first visit to my mothrt’s home since she had been a young child.

I used to play with my nieces at the beach.

“Jellyfish “i would scream and we would laugh


This Friday I actually got stung by a Jellyfish for the first time in my life

It hurt a lot but less than not being invited to my niece’s wedding in Canada. 

I was given once the task  to tell my niece what had happebed to her orange cat, Morris.

My sister’s new husband did not like Morris so they  left him in the street to fend for himself to live through a Canadian winter while they move. 

I guess the people who constitute my family a brother and sister and their children are not very nice people

They do not think of other people or cats.

They take and steal what they can

And then the worse lie is saying

They care about me and my children

My nephew said my brother loves me

But I guess it is too much to actually expect that  what people say and do are the same.

It is not about the apartment my list piano my books all gone because my brother got my mothet to change the will

I think the worst part was hearing my nephew’s version

That I am greedy and selfish while they took care of my mother.

My mother lived all alone without any help after she suffered from a stroke and had to have open heart surgery about which I learned only after she had passed away so I had no opportunity to know and be prepared for such an event.

I lived abroad and was in the middle of a divorce a long divorce.

No one ever supported me in any difficult time only my mother.

Now she is gone and her belongings distributed amongst the nieces and nephews.

I got a pair of red shoes that wore out and a shawl and a large ring she used to wear and a room 

I am not sure what the future holds.

The family I thought I had turned out to be a wall.a wailing wall and the future is the children and dogs.

The dogs are always happy to see me and I them. 

Everything is real with dogs and I heard that even if I had stopped feeding them they would never leave.

I think I am going to feed them breakfast now and go for a walk

A long walk 

Somewhere not to think about the past and how I never knew I never had a family only shadows that disappeared the day I woke up to realize I am entirely completely alone.everything else is an illusion.


About seagullsea

a seagull flying over the great ocean of life observing.
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