“life’s not a paragraph
And death i think is no parenthesis”
― E.E. Cummings
The forecast today is Iranian missiles in the north and terrorists infiltration in the south and then i got hit by hail …
what is God trying to tell us ?
The existential in me wants to find meaning but the realist in me realises that there is no answer but to conclude that life on earth is an absurd joke that god , a bored superior entity is playingn mankind.
The mad man i thought was talking to himself every morning at the coffee shop had turned out to have been a real estate man making deals , and he just did not bother saying hello back to me because he couldn’t be bothered to speak to anyone without making a profit, what a sad sad tragedy of human existence that there exist human beings whose entire existence revolves around making profit and seeing others as a means to an end and God only knows there are so many people like that around me, supposibly in this ancient land reviving a biblical promise but really repeating the old stereotype of the money lending jew, shylock lives and thrives here in this city where money money money is what matters and where people like me, innocent souls who seek to say hello are trampled upon, mocked and/ ignored.
This narcissistic money focused behaviour explains why the waitresses dont greet me in the morning, oh, here comes the lady who doesn’t tip, and why my family has disconnected from me once they got the inheritance money, what would my use to them be? Once my mother and grandmother who dreamed of a family where people actually take care of each other were out of the way and their money deposited in the bank account, what use would be to befriend a woman whose life revolves around art, creativity,and poetry and like the poet e.e.cummings had said; “poetry may not bring you the news but people die terrible deaths for the lack of it daily.”
If i could write my elder brother and sister a letter, what would it say?
It would say,
You never ever understood me nor have you ever tried and it is so much your loss, because while you are busy counting your coins and storing all that you have looted from our dead mother’s apartment , you have lost an opportunity to grow a soul that would last you not only a life time but perhaps be the parachute needed to survive as a soul carrying member of this sad universe ,and you have thus contributed sadness and unloving when you had the golden key to open up gates to something elusive called bringing happiness to another human being, and giving instead of only taking, stealing and lying.
You have disappointed me so i wake up every morning stare at the walls and think how did i grow up in a human family and live like a microscopic amoeba without any family to show for ? with children who are distant because i am unable to cultivate anything called human contact, i lack the tools, i lack the material assets and the ambition to crush on the path to being important, i am not a truck driving, squashing bully, i am a butterfly that has lived far past its expiration date on earth, lingering in hope that something will change and someone will jump behind me, cover my eyes and scream : SURPRISE! you are LOVED, and you mean something to someone beyond money and what you can do for them but these are only words and my emotions mean nothing to you just as i mean nothing to you for i have no value now that our mother is lying in earth, her bones benefitting only the plants surrounding her grave and her money spent by you and your children accumulating toys and building a home above her grave mocking her wishes that we would be a family where love is practiced and not tossed out with the trash.