The three ape like middle aged men my age sit around the table, saying something about men and women that says more about themselves than about me or women or men.
The lack of need to excuse, to apologise, to sit around with their flip flops and talk about soccer or anything in a lazy way that has never before been associated with me with Jews who always seemed to me part of a stereotype of wise, neurotic, apologetic, and there they are ; mediterranean and so unattractive to me in every possible way, they are my worst nightmare but it is so amusing that men like that ; meat eating ,soccer consuming apes who view women as objects , no different than the soccer ball , are the very description of my former European husband; a macho man who thinks women should serve him, an idea he must have picked up having been raised by a mother who taught him that he was a prince despite his violent temper tantrum and ape like ways that could so easily been traced back to the cave man , i could so easily picture him sitting around the fire with the hunted deer thinking that this world was his, and he ruled and everything and everyone were his to have and if not, he would hit or scream .
I am the worst nightmare of a neanderthal man, not only do i not seek his approval, i can not hide my disgust with men who are like these three apes , overweighed , their stomachs hanging, their feet in flip flops, their lust interests are invariably young women old enough to be their daughters, they seek women as objects, as soccer balls, and that is part of their programming, their training as Mediterranean macho men no different than European or Asian or American men who had been trained by their particular sub culture that everything must revolve around them.
What is it that makes men around here so oblivious to women having a mind of their own and a life besides pleasing them and serving as a soccer ball. If only i allow myself to speak to them, it will not be long before they throw condencending comments to me, something about women and men, something about sex, something about sexual acts, something that will definitely be considered sexual harassment anywhere else but here is part of their vocabulary, they speak the words without even thinking and the women they spend their lives with only support their ape like behaviour .
The army helps support their macho men, they speak of women as things, as objects and they have no depth, they are unaware of the short length of time on earth we have as mortal beings, they lack any spiritual base, they view religion as business, they view women as business, they view everything as business, and the words they shoot each other are bullets that kill and murder everything that is soft, spiritual, without a price, intangible.
My thoughts drift towards my yoga teacher , he is everything they are not, he teaches young children yoga through the cover of drama, story telling done with soft movements of raised arms , butterflies created through his folded legs and stories told through soft spoken words that come from a place of gentle loving ideology of a true yogi who seeks purity, peace and love through the teaching of yoga . He wants the world to be a more loving, peaceful place where people dont seek competition and to walk all over each other but to cooperate and love and befriend . I fear that the world he describes is not real, that it is a story he tells himself exists if only he conjures it in his mind , he thinks thoughts create a reality but he ignores the thoughts of those ape like men who rule the world , who separate children from their mothers, who are of no particular nationality but come from a particular state of mind that power is what determines at the end of the day who wins , that life is a battle field, and the losers dont deserve compassion, no one does.
I consider the Yoga teacher , his soft loving ways, and these three men, and i can not find the common denominator , i can not see all four as men of equal potential to grow; one is a rose, a flower that delights everyone around him and those three are thorns, they irritate, they bother me, and i bother them, my presence sends them the message of an intelligent, educated female that can not be fooled or lured into their jungle, only young unsuspecting females that have no life experience and no education can be dragged into their world, or aging wives who clean, cook, and function as females , human soccer balls to be kicked about, or left alone.
I remember one particular Saturday when i had realised i was a soccer ball, and that i had married an ape like man, a beast. I never saw myself as a beauty, the outside never interested me and then i found myself married to an ape, the shape of his head like a gorilla, his behaviour like an ape, and life with him like a cage, a golden cage you might call it, but it was a cage nonetheless, to be with an ape whose main focus point was soccer ,playing guitar to soothe his savage breast but seeing women as objects , a way of thinking that was strengthened by online and offline porn and his experience of purchasing desperate women .
How could i , an intelligent , educated woman had been lured to have spent so much time with an ape cleverly disguised by a profession as a teacher, sometimes wearing glasses looking vulnerable but at the end of the day was nothing more than an ape ? King Kong standing on the top of the empire state building insisting the world and the small blond woman were his.
And what could the small blond woman do but scream and then feel bad for the ape and feel empathy to a creature who knew nothing about empathy and emotions but what he could fake as emotions ?
How many ape like men walk around this city thinking their reality was the only valid one? Theirs is the world to crush and control and bend, disguised as educated, music loving , sensitive souls but when the masks fall , they reveal themselves as apes, men who see women as objects to have had, to use, and to abuse .
Is there hope for modern men ?
As a coffee shop worker bends to pat the dog i realise there are more types of men that can be easily classified into binary terms; the sensitive yogi versus the ape, men develop in all sorts of directions but like everything else in life, a dependancy on apes to rule our world is the recipe for disaster..
We are all developing and evolving in one direction or another and so it is important to be aware of people who are not as evolved as others and keep distance if you dont want to hear ape like speech and behaviour.
This evolutionary way of thinking might be the explanation to the sexual harassment and metoo campaign; can the ape help itself? Can the ape who has not evolved be blamed for being an ape or is it up to those who are further along than the ape on the human evolutionary scale to choose to flee or fight?
And so on this beautiful morning i start my own campaign in response to the #MeToo campain, #NotMe.