playing at sunset

“Be yourself ! Everyone else is taken”

-Oscar Wilde


I recently read an article about this super achiever scientist i met by chance through his wife..his ex wife as it turns out..i was studying  Psychology with this very intense short dark haired woman who was obviously brilliant in studying and jumping through the hoops..i had a few brain cells myself at that time once i had realised Biology labs were not where i want to do my thinking .

The brilliant scientist apparently got rid of the short dark haired woman and got another short woman with lighter hair, a few years younger with a phD and ability to build a family which perhaps the previous wife lacked, who knows what went on there between the two brilliant minds ? Apparently there are not only substitute teachers in plenty of supply and demand but also substitute brilliant women with phDs..especially if you are hanging around top notch academic  institutes …still i can’t help but mourn the absence of the short  dark haired woman who had invited me to her wedding but somehow i lost the invitation or was not in the mood for weddings the year she had married the brilliant scientist in a traditional wedding in Jerusalem. I missed seeing her miss the  happily forever after i guess..

I  used to sit watching the Judean hills at the Hebrew University  Mount Scopus campus and figured out art was where i was at but then i couldn’t decide which ? Theatre  as my second course of study turned out to be a good choice of study for me since i could combine my love for music and drama and art all rolled up in one and so i directed a short half an hour theatre piece based on an Israeli writer i loved , it was about relationships between a  controlling mother and son and the triangle with the beloved woman. I got a very average grade on this theater piece , a production i put my heart and soul into, i chose the stage, the music, it was the spring sonata of Beethoven and later , much later, in fact this weekend, i read in the mesmerising book written by Eli Wiesel about a Jewish violininst who was emprisoned in a German concentration camp and how he was not allowed to play Beethoven and how he had died frozen in the snow after having played Beethoven alongside his broken violin .

I think about what breaks us and what makes us in this life and i think i ought to be happy for this scientist who is on the list of the top 25 space scientists  in the world, as we know it, but as i listen to him talk on youtube and hear his obviously foreign accent i think about all the people who live as foreigners in this world so detached from language and culture and who they are and where they come from and perhaps they feel good this way but i think that at one point i felt i needed to be back where i started, where the pain and suffering began and where i need to mend the broken places and heal the wounds confronting all that had caused me injury and it is always reflecting back to me in the mirror but it is a process. 

I wish that the wisdom of life could be summarised in an academic paper and that i was a blue ribbon winning something, a scientist, a writer, a poet, a dancer, a singer but i am not famous at all, in fact i am quite anonymous aside my blogs and vlogs, however i will say this, this is me , this is who i am , and sometimes i hear a song that speaks of this need to be myself above all, not famous, not well connected , not even an influential teacher. 

I am not Buddha, not Jesus, not Moses or Mohamad but i am who i am and i must be satisfied with living out my true identity whatever it is and not to be distracted by the stardust of fame that is not mine, nor will be , but see the truth that radiates from every star when it knows who it is and where it is supposed to go in this complex diverse universe.



About seagullsea

a seagull flying over the great ocean of life observing.
This entry was posted in a letter to the stars, Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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