You listen to Joni Mitchel thinking she has expressed how you feel but then the Beatles come and sing “The day breaks, your heart aches…and in her eyes you see nothing, no sign of love behind the tears, a love that should have lasted years ..”
then Johnny Cash sings with a deep voice “of lovers and friends i still can recall, some are dead and some are living, in my life i have loved them all.”
All those romantic songs “of all those friends and lovers …when i think of love..”
I dont think of love or affection , i act upon it, love is not something you say , it is something you do, how you show someone you care about them, words are meaningless without the actions to back them up, no matter what someone says their intentions are and so i grow callous and my skin becomes like an elephant slowly slowly , and i leave my fears and tears and live in the harsh light, not in the rain and snow of Europe but amongst loud birds that chatter constantly and force me to cope.
Then comes Bob Dylan and cynically expresses how friends can disappoint
“You have a lot of nerve to say you are my friend ”
“You just want to be on the side that’s winning “, Bob Sings and i think of Israel and i , how so many people in the world dont want to be on the side that is winning, they want to be on the side that is losing , so they can feel good about themselves, people like Roger Waters from Pink Floyd who has made such ugly use of mixing his stupid narrow minded political opinions bashing the tiny state i live in presenting Israel as a fascist state and i am so tired of haters and i am so tired of lovers because both pretend and like Bob says “You say good luck but you dont mean it when you would rather see me paralysed , why dont you go and scream it?”
I am tired of giving other people’s opinions too much place, and in Europe i was so exposed to their opinions of my ethnic origin and they kept telling me i have no place in the middle east but at the same time they also told me very clearly that i have no place in Europe so good riddance European dreams and welcome middle eastern harsh sun and Bob Dylan lets me off the hook and sings “It aint no use to sit and wonder ..you’re the reason i am travelling on, don’t think twice it’s alright”
I once married a guitar guy but he was just imitating the singers and not really getting the lyrics and not really caring where i was standing and what i was thinking and psychopaths are so attractive because they leave so much room to dream and pretend who they are but in reality they are like the pillow without the stuffing , like the books without the pages, just the cover and i am so tired of surfaces and need content and filling and feeling.
Most people dont even care what Bob Dylan is singing and i know i am no longer vagabond, but i dont know where i am bound.
“I am not saying you treated me unkind, you just sort of wasted my precious time, don’t think twice it’s alright”
No experience is a waste of time, it builds you up, everything you go through becomes you , otherwise you are a poster not a person!