I met this woman in the street and it turned out we both work as teachers and live near each other .
Me being naive I suggested we exchange information .
The woman says she is busy and then i ran into her on the way to attending the ultra religious lessons I escaped after I found the lessons a tad unfeminist according to my humble opinion women should not be stoned for adultry.
One rainy Saturday I had met the woman at the more moderate synagogue i had recommended along with her mother ,visiting from abroad ,checking up on her darling duckling .
The mother talked to me while the woman dressed like a 16 year old girl with long hair went to speak to two men in their late 3o’s at the synagogue.
I couldn’t help wondering how FOCUSED that woman seemed .
“They are probobly married”,remarked the mother and proceeded to go into detailed information about the ordeals of the 40 year old woman making it sound as if she is a tragic figure.
I discovered information about the woman that I didn’t really want to know but like a trained poodle the woman brought the mother and I water and went to speak to two men at the corner making casual conversation with them..
There were men and women in the synagogue socializing after the prayer but the woman went after men like a trained poodle.
“She was married but divorced “,the mother continued to feed me information I did not really feel comfortable hearing but like a trained poodle I was I could not say No to a mother confessing her ordeals.
So I proceeded to hear about the woman’s frozen eggs and her plans to wait and see , still hoping for a partnership,against the nother’s opinion that waiting would make her too old to have children.
The other daughter did get married but to the wrong men but genetic testing revealed that he was 10% European jew .what a relief.
I could just imagine my late mother discussing my life in a similar fashion had I not been a trained poodle myself who fetched a man by the time i was 31 just in time to marry and have children by the time i was 32.The man was European (A big thumbs up from the European mother)but not Jewish (a oh oh from the mother)but mixing your gene pool is a good prevention against inherited conditions (a thumbs up)plus a certain bit of information concerning a potential Jew hanging from a branch of the paternal family tree ..
I thought about how FOCUSED the woman was on finding a man .
“She’s dating “,the mother ,a twin of “Dr Hopfstetter”,the judgemental psychiatrist mother of a character from the series “the big bng theory”,a Physicist with no self confidence who had married an uneducated former actress/waitress ,a prototype of a mother who castrates her sons and reduces her daughter’s to performing poodles .
I was reminded of my late mother who had lived my ex husband ,arguing the case for keeping him because what is a woman without a man?a fish without a bicycle is not an answer she would accept .
I went through information I had on the woman ,private intimate information i wish i did not have.
I looked at the trained poodle who was struggling to fetch a man and went over the list of where it all went wrong.
1.Not unlike a puppy past a certain age ,a woman over 28 years of age is not likely to find a home with a man called husband ,now add living in a city where the young males are notorious for partying and loving a noncommittal life and you have a dead end.
2.The strong bond to a mother figure is an advantage for a living creature right up till puberty then it is a huge disdadvantage. ..
3.valuing your adult child based on their abity to perform the tricks of providing a socially acceptable model such as married with children ,academic ,etc. Is pathetic.
Children did not come to this world to please parents ,they came to this world to find a mission and follow their personal life quest not their nother’s..
I wanted to tell the mother all that but she turned away from me,as I reached my expiration date of 10 minutes of confession and unburdening to an anonymous nonthreatening stranger and turned to bombard the unsuspecting Rabbi with her credentials reminding him of a phone call at which point i took distance and followed two unattractive elderly unmarried women out ,not having any goal of fetching “a catch “to my deceased mother’s grave, I reflected upon the true tragedy of this woman who shall remain unnamed and her mother who shall remain anonymous,that a woman had to achieve certain goals of married with children or risk being labeled as a tragic failure.
The truth is ,in my most humble opinion,not every woman or man are cut out for the very difficult task of parenting and “I ‘ll help you raise the kids “doesn’t really help. women past a certain age need to stand on their own two feet.
Warning signs that your adult daughter may NOT be an ideal wife and mother :
1)She has difficulties fetching a man who wants to have children with her.
2)she is barely able to cope on her own ,is not interested in anything not related to motherhood but lacks the qualities of a caregiver.
3)She needs therapy not a membership in an online dating website .
Not all people are trained poodles and predicting genetic defects are for Nazi doctors not Jewish mothers!
The products of some of the most well planned unions may shock and horrify the conservatives so back off overbearing mothers and one last word of warning ; before you divulge intimate information to a perfect stranger ask whether they blog?